To Be A Circle
"You have noticed that everything as Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round..... The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars.
The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours....
Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves."
Black Elk
Oglala Sioux Holy Man
1863-1950
It is Friday and my office window blind moves against the warm breeze blowing from the sun. I sit at my computer, contemplating my old blog entries. The same strand of unsureness runs through them, as it has through almost everything I've done...who am I?
And the answer has always been the same, no matter how hard I try to ignore it: I am a messenger. A writer.
I was once told by an intuitive that the very first job you held was a good indicator of what your calling in life would be. When I was 10, I watched my breath hang still in the early January air as I delivered newspapers. 90 houses for the daily, 120 or so for the Sunday paper. Paper, ink, and information.
I wrote in college-ruled journals then. I write on the computer now. Squeaky wheels on my Radio Flyer wagon then, squeaky brakes on my car now. I think I see a pattern...a past... and a future.
So everything thing is round. Everything tries to become a circle, the old saying goes. At the time I heard it, I nodded my head in agreement, for my lack of exercise and fondness for sweets had certainly left me in a circular shape.
But now I realize the deeper meaning. We are a circle, from the tiniest quark up. We are on a circle, in a circle, placed in a vastly bigger circle. And we tread daily on a circular path that originates inward from spiraling helix strands that circle and twist their way upward and eventually outward to God himself in the form of breaths and prayers -- only to circle back downward in moments of realizations and action.
It has been not quite a year since initiating this blog. Circumstances have changed. Lives have changed. Even my pants size has changed. The past 11 months have been nothing short of a crucible; a painful evolution; and standing back to look at the big picture, a quiet revolution.
I have more a little more spare time now. A little more sleep, a little more exercise, a little bit different look on life. Not that I have little to focus on -- I am even more entrenched in the fight to get my son back from the shadow darkness of autism. I strive to give to my daughter and husband the energy I have left from that battle. And, with a few kind words from a literary agent, I have a renewed glow of purpose for finishing my first book.
And I will continue to write in this blog. As to what form it will take and how often it takes shape, I don't know. I do know that I will write about the things that consume me: authorship, autism, alternative healing, family, the pursuance of undiscovered patterns in life, and of course, love.
As Black Elk said, "The life of a [person] is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves." I finally realized the power to which he refers.
It's love.
Love without ego, without expectation, without demand.
In other words, Infinite Love.
How do I know this?
Because there is nothing else.
It's the alpha, the omega, the zero and googol, the start of a thunderstorm and the end of the rainbow.
It's the Circle.
posted by A.M.Adams @ 6/16/2006 02:48:00 PM
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