My birthday is coming, my birthday is coming!
I love my birthday. Always have, thanks to a loving family who enjoys celebrating it just as much as I do.
It's five days away, but why not get an early jump on the celebration?
Five Things I Like About Turning 39
- More confidence, less self-doubt. Answering to the small inner voice is the end goal. Still a long road ahead on this particular issue, but showing very good progress.
- Truer grasp on faith and beliefs. While the core of my faith remains the same, the details are far, far different than what I was raised in. These days, however, my beliefs bring vastly more comfort and understanding.
- Realization of what really matters in life: family and friends. Loving , supportive family and friends. Stay out of reach of those who drain your life energy.
- Old enough to know better, finally wise enough to see why. Doesn't always mean I'll follow the rules, though!
- Knowing when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up. Both are still stumbling blocks, but getting better.
Five Things I Don't Like About Turning 39
- Realization That There Are Time Limits On Everything. People, pets, health, good times. In this existence, life cannot exist without death and renewal. I still have a hard time with that fact.
- Suddenly, I'm Referring To Everyone Under 28 as "that young person". This happened overnight and without warning.
- Gray Hair. Thank goodness for hydrogen peroxide.
- Appearance of 'Chicken Neck'. Especially so, since I started excercising. Honestly, I can deal with wrinkles, but Chicken Neck? Gross.
- Still Wishing I Could Have Figured Myself Out Sooner.
Legs run in the morning, fingers run in the evening
4:30 am workout - indoor at the Honda Watson Wellness Center
- 20 minutes on Precor; calorie burn - 250
- 30 minutes on treadmill: walking 20 minutes at a pace of 3.8 mph; running 10 minutes at a pace of 4.8 mph. Couldn't do any more because of last night's pizza. (Oh yeah, that pepperoni pizza -- impossible to respect yourself in the morning after spending a night with it. ) Calorie burn --?? Heartburn? Yep.
- 15 minutes on stationary bike; calorie burn - ?? I do know I consistently produced an average of 80 watts. What a fun little exercise fact! They should put 20 and 60 watt light bulbs on top of the readout panel so you can see your calorie burning efforts illuminate the place--or at least the magazine you're reading.
And the countdown begins...
Speaking of fun little facts, I counted the days until my manuscript is evaluated, minus a couple proofing days. I have to write 2500 words a day to make sure this baby is delivered on time. Shouldn't be too hard, right? (Cue evil laughter) Bwaaa-haaa-haa!! Nothing like a deadline to get you motivated. My evenings will be filled my fingers running across the keyboard...
Poem for the day:The Preacher: Ruminates Behind The SermonI think it must be lonely to be God.
Nobody loves a master. No. Despite
The bright hosannas, bright dear-Lords, and bright
Determined reverence of Sunday eyes.
Picture Jehovah striding through the hall
Of His importance, creatures running out
From servant-corners to acclaim, to shout
Appreciation of His merit's glare.
But who walks with Him? -- dares to take His arm,
To slap Him on the shoulder, tweak His ear,
Buy Him a Coca Cola or a beer,
Pooh-pooh His politics, call Him a fool?
Perhaps--who knows?--He tires of looking down.
Those eyes are never lifted. Never straight.
Perhaps sometimes He tires of being great
In solitude. Without a hand to hold.
Gwendolyn BrooksAmerican poet, born 1917
Veni, Vedi, Vici Multi Cuppediae: That's Latin for "I came, I saw, I conquered a lot of chocolate"
6:35 a.m.
Just got back from walking 5.2 miles; we started at 4:45 am, so our pace wasn't too bad. It's a nice morning, cool and clear. No sun yet, but it's starting to peek through the slivers of clouds, showing reddish orange. Must mean rain later today.
The Memory of Declensions Past...
Went to a funeral showing last night -- my Latin teacher from high school passed on. She was the first adult in my life to talk openly about ghosts, something I found highly intriguing and comforting at the same time. Controversial, too, considering I went to a Catholic high school and the official Catholic stance on ghosts is that there is no such thing.
She was also the first one to talk about living past lives, or at least the possibility of it. She loved anything about Rome or Italy or its culture. She had described so many things about Italy in such detail and with such complete sincerity, I never considered the possibility that she had not yet touched Italian soil. It wasn't until after I had graduated and then went to Italy with her that she had not been there before .I remember one moment as we looked over the forum, the crumbling ruins creating a sense of stilled, sad time. She turned to me, smiling, and said: "See, it is just how I remembered it. I know I've been here before. Maybe not in this lifetime, but certainly in the past."
The Cleveland Clinic Press turned down my book idea "Grandparenting the Autistic Child". They said there were plenty of resources out there, but thank you anyway. I really liked the quick turn around time--this was done all by email. Just gives me the chance to re-query someplace else that much faster!
Poem For The Day
Only birds
sing the music of heaven
in this world
Haiku by Kobayashi Issa
Japanese, 1763-1827
Thank you Devon and Colin.
If it weren't for the kind inquiries of two fellow writers, I would have never returned to my blog.
Quick recap of the past months:
- Ocotober 2005: getting very busy at work; I am 'volunteered' for charity work by boss.
- November, Part 1: very busy at work; charity work kicks into overdrive; husband travels to L.A. for work; child no. 1 has very serious autism regression; family dynamics brought to full halt due to subsequent stress-related reactions.
- November, Part 2: work still busy, charity work very busy, child no. 1 still regressing; husband comes back; I become ill (typical 'calvary has arrived' syndrome)
- November, The Final Act - lots of spending: spending time in emergency room; spending Thanksgiving weekend on couch; spending more time than I have recovering
- December: re-evaluation of priorities. What really matters in my life? Why am I working so hard for other people? And why can't I do this for myself? Start researching alternative autism treatment for child no. 1. If doctors aren't managing this thing, then it's up to me.
- January 2006: friend calls up and asks if I want to work out with her. Sure. Thus begins the kickoff of my new physcial fitness routine. Decide to take a mental look at writing. Again.
- February: still working out. Still thinking about writing. Waiting for the sun to come out in Ohio. Putting together suggested treatment protocol for child no. 1. Lots and lots and LOTS of medical research. Really saddened by what I find. Hopeful, too.
- March: starting to see nice results from working out. Other people are noticing, too. Realize that my 39th birthday is coming up next month. Whom do I want to be this new birthday year? Clean out office and organize. Come across Colin's schedule of writing I had printed off. Strangely enough, he sends email few days later. Okay, I'll take the hint.
- April:just sent out first non-fiction book proosal. Working on completing first fiction novel in time for evaluation by agent at end of this month. Also just sent out poetry submission to Ploughshares. Poem is not my best, but want to try anyway. Can also run for 20 minutes straight on the treadmill, have lost 20 pounds so far. Workout buddy and myself have registered for the New York City Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. Devon, I'm coming back to NYC on October 7 and 8th!
- Also April: Like I said, thanks to the kindness of strangers, I log my first blog entry in months. Feels good to be back.
