Wired Writer

I'll pass on the Crank, thank you. I've got Fruit Roll Ups.

I totally L A U G H E D when I read Dooce's account of her daughter chugging orange juice and then reacting to the subsequent sugar high. I've had a similiar reaction out of my two kids when I first let them try Fruit Roll-Ups.

After each child gobbled down this yard-long soft mass of red dye and corn syrup, they suddenly jerked forward out of their chair and started running, and continued running until they stopped and dropped with exhaustion four hours later. (They would've rolled, too, but they just didn't have it in them.)

I kid you not, they ran up and down and around the house with their eyelids peeled back in exquisite madness. Garagantuan smiles reached unnatural places on their faces as they laughed continually with this forced "HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE" cackle that still lingers as the 'background scary noise' soundtrack in my nightmares.

I looked on at them in awe as they sped through their sugar buzz. What have I done, I thought? When will it stop? And why the hell did I not at least try drugs in college if it's anything like this?

posted by A.M.Adams @ 9/12/2005 11:36:00 AM