Wired Writer

Would you like a 9' or 11' dump with that, ma'am?

A round of thanks to The Orange Ballcap for linkin' me. Much appreciated! And I agree -- I like BogBumper, too. Nature, gorgeous photography, and an ever-so-slight touch of nerdiness neatly displayed in HTML. 'Tis a thing of beauty.

Would you like a 9' or 11' dump with that, ma'am?
Describing my job to someone is like trying to nail a blob of Jello to a tree. It honestly escapes the grasp of any neat and tidy description. On any given day, my more normal duties might include baking cookies, renting storage units, helping manage apartments, and perhaps even tweak a web page or two. I usually tell people I'm an "administrative assistant" and leave it at that. (My otherwise non-p.c. boss insists on those two words instead of the oh-so-prefeminist/1960's Jack-Webb-style label of "secretary".)

I like the visual the word 'secretary' brings up in my head. I'm standing next to Jack, all secretary-like in a brown and gold plaid jumper, cat-eye glasses and bouffant hair, poised and ready with stencil pad and pencil. Today's secretary visual, however, includes dump truck shopping. Boss needed a truck, so I put the pedal to the metal and went truck shopping. Which I know exactly ZILCH about.

After spending hours on the phone calling commercial truck dealers, I now know the following:

• The majority of dump truck salesmen do not have names. They just have initials. I don't know if this is due to an insufficiency on the part of the bosses (Oh, why burden the guy with something so complicated as James Christopher?Let's just call him J.C. Think of all that time he'll save not spelling it out. Less time on paperwork, more time for sales, I tell ya.)
  
  Or perhaps, it's the nature of the beast. Since they deal with a good amount of acronyms in the business, maybe they feel more at home with the product if they themselves are an acronym. (J.C., get the M.S.R.P. on the 2005 F350 with the 5.4 L., 4 x 4, A.S.A.P.!) I contacted 10 different dealerships and only three out of the ten sales people had names.

• All dump truck salesman come from the South. I spoke to dealerships in Cincinnati, Toledo, Columbus, one in an as-of-now forgotten city in Indiana, and Chicago, to name a few. They all drawled. ALL of them. Don't they know they are above the Mason-Dixon line?

• To ask "how long is that dump truck bed" is to flagrantly flaunt your newbie status in Dump Truck World and invites gentle ribbing from the audience. "They're called dumps, hon," twanged R.B., a pleasant bubba from some dealership that had bi- or tri-state in its name. "You don't have to get all fancy and long-description like."

• "Dump" has nothing to do with poop. I confess I sniggered the first time I said to a perfect stranger, "I need an 11' dump". Visions of clogged toilets and vanquished constipation danced in my head.

Speaking of poop...today I wrote caca. A lot of caca.
Tried as I may, I struggled to part with words on my novel today. What words I managed to eke out were definitely not screenworthy. And I absolutely sucked at trying to finish a short article I want to send off to Guideposts magazine. Somedays just aren't worth the hitting on the keyboard. I can see why so many writers are drunks or crack heads. A little narcotic/alcoholic substance goes a long way in silencing the inner editor who keeps yelling "What kind of crap is that? Regular or extra flakey?" and "Whoa! Was that English?"

So, Word Count for today is: 837. Which will probably be all re-written tomorrow in the bright light of reality and the restorative powers of a good night's sleep. And I promise, I will have the now pseudo link of my blog novel GhostSeeker, up and running by the end of the weekend.

Regards,
Caca Writer Girl

P.S. Note to Mimi Smartypants: I absolutely adore you. Can I be you when I grow up? Or maybe just have your writing semantics and banter? Please?

posted by A.M.Adams @ 8/03/2005 11:36:00 PM